By Neal Boulton
Some men admit that honesty is not always the best policy, especially when it ruins the relationships in their lives. "I never ask Michael anything I don't want the answer to. It's just an understanding we have," Tom told me after sharing that he suspects his husband is sleeping with a man they had a threesome with about a month ago. "But I just won't ask, and if he does tell me, I'll slap him and ask, 'Why didn't you just lie?'"
Tom was clear: he didn't want a marriage of only lies, nor did he want Michael to stray—but if he was fooling around behind his back, he definitely did not want the truth. "Look, I know men stray, so if and when he does there are a handful of lies he simply has got to master if he is going to keep me around," he said. Intrigued, we rounded up the when and the how to lie—some from Tom and some from about ten other guys we interviewed. We decided not to include the guy Michael is doing on his lunch breaks in a nearby hotel.
When is it time to lie? Tom is no stranger to suspicion, but he offers his men amnesty-if they know when to lie.
"Were you at a bath house last night?" Tom says, "Lie!"
"If I died, would you go out with that guy over there?" Lie.
"This photograph shows you kissing him in front of a hotel in midtown." Lie, even if there are pictures.
"Was he good? Was his cock bigger than mine?” If yes is the answer to any of these questions Tom says, "Take them to the grave."
How are you suggesting I lie? You've been caught, red-handed. But Tom says there's a way out for him—if they know how to lie:
"Ok, I did sleep with him. But it made me realize that I can indeed be monogamous with you, and that I am in love with you." "He was fun in bed, yes. But there was no intimacy and all I could do was race home to be with you." "Yes, I saw her again. But only to make it clear I never wanted to see her again."
Before Tom was through, his husband Michael arrived home from work. He was a tall man with rugged features and elegant clothing. When he leaned in to kiss him hello, he said, "Hey sweetheart how was your day?" while winking at me. He caught the wink, and winked back, grinning, and slyly said, "One of my best days actually, thanks for asking." —W.T.